For years, I have been such an advocate for the fight against breast cancer. Never knowing why, just knowing how deep in my heart this disease struck and the thought of how millions of women and men have to face it. When my aunt was diagnosed, I thought I finally knew why it stuck with me...I was meant to stand by her and help her in her fight. From the moment she was diagnosed, I started taking it much more seriously than ever before- being adamant about monthly self exams and knowing my body...just in case.
On August 23rd, 2013, I realized that maybe there was more of a reason as to why I was so deeply devoted to standing with those fighting against breast cancer. This was the night that I found the lump in my right breast. It was a very casual thing, I felt it and knew it wasn't right and had my husband confirm. At that moment I decided that I would go first thing Monday morning for a mammogram for which my PCP had already written me a referral for. So at 7 am Monday morning, I was headed to have my first ever mammogram. After my mammogram, they decided to do an ultrasound since the lump could be felt. What scared me was that my mammogram was normal, looked perfectly fine, but the ultrasound detected a small mass. I was scheduled to come back first thing Tuesday morning for a needle biopsy to determine the nature of the lump. This procedure was not the most comfortable, but not too terribly unbearable. Hoping for a quick turnaround on results, the next few days seemed to be some of the longest of my life.
Thursday evening, I got a call from my PCP office stating that they had received my results and needed me to come in Friday to review. The receptionist's exact words were "We have the official results and the doctor would like you to come in to discuss". At that very moment, I knew what I was facing. I had been praying all week, but at that moment I got very specific with my prayers. I asked God to please be there when I was given the news the next day because I knew I would need him, I knew what I was going to hear.
On Friday, August 30th, 2013- one week from finding the lump- I was sitting in my doctor's office with my mother when I received the news. "You have breast cancer" my doctor says. "It appears to be in early stages, but it is aggressive. You have invasive ductal carcinoma." I did not cry, I did not lose my breath. The first thing I did was look at my Mom to make sure she was okay. My first words were "Okay then, what do we do now?" I knew God was with me and I felt the most sudden and deepest peace throughout and I immediately knew that everything was going to be okay. Not one single tear was shed in that office. My husband, Greg, was on his way back into town from working, so I had to call him and tell him the news. This is when my heart broke and the tears started flowing. It was so hard knowing what him and my girls would have to face. Here I was at 36 years old, just being told I had cancer, but trying to figure out how to be strong for everyone else.
This was the Friday before Labor Day, so with it being a holiday, it would be close to a week before I could get in to see a breast surgeon to discuss my next steps since there was a specific surgeon I wanted. So I left my doctor's office with the expectation that they would get me an appointment hopefully some time the next week. But...seeing as how wonderfully God works, I received a call within an hour of leaving my doctor that the surgeon had an immediate opening if I could be there in an hour...OF COURSE I COULD!! So off I went to see the wonderful Dr. Burns. Him and his nurse were amazing and went over everything so carefully and honestly, but very positively. I was at this appointment alone which I felt better about because I could concentrate on my feelings and my questions instead of being worried about how someone with me was feeling. I left this doctor's appointment with the knowledge that I couldn't see my chosen oncologist for almost two weeks, which was disheartening, but this guy was the best I heard, so he is who I wanted. On Monday morning, I got a call that I had scored an appointment with the amazing Dr. Schlabach and I was so relieved. Things were moving so quickly and I knew that God was working all of this out for me. Greg was going to this appointment with me because I knew there would be tons of questions and information and my head was already flooded with all of this new information. I mean, seriously until this point, I thought breast cancer was breast cancer, and some were just more advanced than others. Boy was I wrong! I had Invasive Ductal Carcinoma which was estrogen/progesterone negative and HER2 positive. Not the worst, but not the best. I had been to have a genetic test called the BRCA test done to see if I carried a mutated gene that made my family more at risk for breast cancer. Waiting the two weeks for that test was hard, knowing that if I was positive, it could have a profound affect on my daughters, ages 10 and 14, and would also require me to have a hysterectomy within the next year. Thanks God that test was negative!
Now that I had all of this information, it was time to make some decisions. After tons of internet research on my own, and with the help of my sister-in-law, and TONS of praying and asking for God's guidance, it was so clear to me that I wanted to have a bilateral mastectomy. At 36 years old, I did not want to have to go through this again if I could lessen the chances. My clinical staging of my cancer was a stage 1 because my tumor was only 1.2 cm and although an MRI showed two other small affected places, they wouldn't be confirmed until removed at the time of surgery. It took a little convincing, but my oncologist and surgeon finally agreed that this was a good decision. And so it was scheduled.
On September 19th, I underwent surgery for a bilateral mastectomy with a sentinel node biopsy and would also have expanders placed at this time for future reconstructive surgery. The day of surgery I was extremely nervous. I had never had surgery before, never been put to sleep. I had only been in the hospital for childbirth and that sounded like easy breezy compared to what I knew I was facing. Being told both of my breasts would be removed didn't sound near as bad as hearing my chest muscles would be cut. OUCH!! But the surgery went very well according to both my surgeons. I slept almost the entire first night, and went home the next morning. Greg was AMAZING, the entire time saying how his job was easy and that I had the hard part when all I did was lay around and sleep while he waited on me every second. I had such an amazingly easy recovery. I never was in any pain, only uncomfortable. By this time, I was getting really good at specific praying. "Please God, let me sleep tonight", "Please God, let me be able to reach over my head without pain". These may seem silly, but I was literally trying to make it one step at a time. I was back on my feet in a few days, not totally independent, but up and at 'em! I couldn't shower myself because I had 4 drains coming out of my sides that looked like something from the movie "Aliens" that hung from a belt around my waist that we referred to as the grenade belt. But those two weeks don't seem like such a big deal now.
I have had all of my prep for my reconstruction and will complete that after my chemotherapy is done. All of my lymph nodes and marginal tissue came back negative, so my official staging stayed at Stage 1 :)
That has been another experience in itself. I was told up front I would undergo 6 chemo treatments and would receive an antibody called Herceptin for one year. My treatments would be once very three weeks with blood work on the weeks in between. So on October 30th, I had my first treatment."Please God, prepare me for this and just help me make it through the next 8 hours." I've read so many mixed things about chemo. Some people do fine, some are too sick and weak to brush their teeth. With my newfound friendship with the sweetest lady named Denise, she prepared me a little by telling me her story. Denise and I are neighbors and we go to the same church, but have never really talked until she found out from my Mom about my cancer and we realized we have the same oncologist. Denise and I know talk pretty much every day and she has been a God send and such a good friend! So I made it through my first treatment fine. It took FORVER, but Greg stayed by my side the whole time. I had my 'chemo quilt' a sweet lady from my church made me and tons of people signed with prayers and love. I felt really good the days after my treatment until day 4 when my vision got blurry from my nausea meds drying my eyes out, but once I stopped taking those, everything went back to normal. My worst side affect was the permanent metallic taste in my mouth. The week after when I went to do my blood work, my white cell count was not very good. IT was only 1.1 and my granulocytes were 0.2- NOT GOOD! The day after I developed a fever and was immediately admitted to the hospital with neutropenic fever. This was a result of my chemo regimen and I spent 3 nights in the hospital receiving continuous antibiotics and having several blood cultures taken to make sure the infection didn't spread through my bloodstream. Luckily, it didn't :) I received some booster shots in the hospital to kick my bone marrow into overdrive to produce WBCs. It worked very well, and the doctors determined I would have to have these shots after all of my remaining treatments. I just had my second treatment this Wednesday and received my shot Thursday. I will find out next Wednesday how successful the shot was.
My hair started falling out at day 14 from my first treatment, so after a few days of pulling it out first 5-10 at a time and then clumps at a time, I decided it was time to shave it. Greg and my oldest daughter shaved it for me and they had fun 'styling' it during the shave so it made it easier. I truly haven't been bothered by it at all. It'll grow back and as my sweet brother told me at a time I was struggling with the thought of it falling out "Hair is overrated". Yep!
I've started this blog for those who know me and want to keep up with my story or for those who just happen upon it and find that maybe we are in the same situation. My story is really one about faith. About how since the beginning I have been at complete peace with my trial, hoping that through it all, God will receive the glory He deserves. He has been there for me every step of the way and I know He will never leave my side. He has loved me, carried me, answered so many prayers of those who have rallied behind me. Those who have been loved ones and close friends and those who started out as complete strangers but love me anyway. I could not do any of this without my Father in Heaven and His amazing grace, or without the love I have received from so many people. The last 3 months have been a whirlwind, but it has been easier that I ever could've imagined. I know without a doubt it's because of Him.
